They Might Be Gigantic Tools

This is going to be a long and rambling vent on Kid’s Music. Consider yourself warned. Oh, and I’m linking it UP today.

I’ve never been a fan of the stuff. It’s patronizing and generally irritating. “Baby Beluga”? Don’t get me started. There is no reason to stop you from introducing children to mainstream, adult oriented music. Oldies, Classical, Top 40, Rock, heck even marching band music are a hit around these parts.

In a past incarnation as a nanny while living in NJ, Kidz Bop was in regular rotation. It was a bit hard to stomach kid’s voices reciting “Hit Me Baby, One More Time”, but it was better than Sharon Lois & Bram. My little brother was obsessed with that trio. On the other hand, I was sometimes spared from the remakes and learned all the words to “Fins” and “Cheeseburger in Paradise” during the long drives around suburban New Jersey. It can go either way.

With Rose and Phillip, we started our journey together in music with They Might Be Giants. Their parents have a good collection of the group’s cds and while I had never heard their music before, it was entertaining. “John Lee Supertaster” and “The Edison Museum” are pretty catchy. Even as I sit here complaining and looking back at their stuff on iTunes, I am conflicted. Singing to myself, “violin, lin, lin”, “oh no, no, I never go to work”. (A personal favorite, if not a reminder of former office work days) I think the problem with TMBG, in particular is, now as I search their other non-kid stuff, I can only hear them singing to the five(ish) and under crowd.

Disney Soundtracks can kiss my ass. Oh, the horror. I made the mistake of pressing play on the Broadway Cast Recording of The Little Whore that rules my every living breathing….The Little Mermaid, ahem. Thank HEAVENS I got that from the library so I could pull the “it has to go back and NEVER return” shenanigans. They are blissfully ignorant of my ability to copy that tripe on to my computer. But what did I go and do the next day? I checked out Beauty and the bastards who sing about stupid shit, I mean Beauty and the Beast. Got smart and am holding on to that one until I REALLY need it.

Barenaked Ladies came along and offered to give me the best of both worlds. I’ve always loved their sense of humor and they have a song with the title of Favorite Snack Ever to Litter the Seats of My Car…”Raisins”. Yeah, um that’s the TITLE of the song, but they don’t mention the word once in the lyrics. What up with that, Ed? Rose didn’t care for BNL’s latest effort and the cd hit the bin just after “The Canadian Snacktime Trilogy”. Seems I’m not alone in feeling raisins got the shaft.

One “group” I will always and forever allow in my presence: Veggie Tales. I’m not religious and I’m not even sure if Rose and Phillip know about a Higher Power, but those guys are FUNNY, with a capital knee. During the NJ days, Chris used to crack up every time the captain crunch bit came on during “The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything” and now when I hear it, I always think of him. I still say “Boston in the Fall” whenever I mention the city of Boston. “His Cheeseburger” is a brilliant masterpiece and acknowledges that parents, and caregivers, who are forced to endure kid’s music, should be entertained as well.

Let’s move on. I give Rose and Phillip mix cds, it’s the only way I can avoid the Peter, Paul and Mary that their dad has loaded in the six cd changer in the home stereo system. Thankfully, their parents ascribe to the same relative open minded music philosophy. Phillip is a big fan of the opening piano from “Love Song” by Sara Bareilles and Natalie has a long list of favorites: Tristan Prettyman’s “Madly”, Colbie Caillat’s “Bubbly” (she calls it Toes/Nose), Bushwalla’s “Creatures in the Yard”. Repetition does become a problem for me in the car, but only to keep them entertained and satisfied. Pick your battles.

There are times I want to add songs to a mix, because just as kid oriented music teaches a lesson, so can adult music. Madonna’s “What It Feels Like for a Girl” could be inspiring if it didn’t have themes Rose will not be able to grasp for a long time (yikes, that video is a bit harsh). For now we’ll stick with “Build Me Up Buttercup” by the Foundations, “It’s Oh So Quiet” by Bjork, “How Sweet It Is” by Marvin Gaye, “Give A Little Bit” by the Goo Goo Dolls and “All You Need Is Love” by Lynden David Hall (just to mention a few). Oh, and some “Body Movin’” by the Beastie Boys never hurt anyone.